Investing Jargon

From Hedge Fund Insight staff



Bear Market — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.
Bull Market — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Call Option — Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before e-mail.
Cash Flow — The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
Day Trader — Someone who is disloyal from 9-5.
Financial Planner — A guy who says to client: “I’ve reviewed your financial picture, and if we manage your money properly, there should be plenty for both of us.”
Institutional Investor — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nut house.
Long Term Investment — Short Term Investment that failed.
Market Analyst — An expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.
Market Correction — The period after you buy stocks.
Momentum Investing — The fine art of buying high and selling low.
P/E Ratio — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
Stock Analyst — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
Stock Split — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.
Value Investing — The art of buying low and selling lower.